Monday, April 23, 2018
Charismatic and Pentecostal fakes
Charismatic and Pentecostal fakes
This article wasn’t written to turn people off Christianity, this was written to make people aware of what is happening in the church and has been happening for many years.
In addition, I never want to discourage my children even though they are older. As they all attend the Pentecostal church with my wife.
Heretical and sacrilegious practices have been around it seems, forever.
The number one culprits for sacrilegious practices and blasphemous events are the Charismatic and Pentecostal churches.
There is a massive deception going on within this movement, they think that they are all filled with the Holy Spirit, but they’re not.
Check out this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0Ii5T2qcsA
It is quite common among some fanatical Pentecostals within the churches; that they attempt to exclude other Christians when it comes to experiencing and having a direct relationship with the Holy Spirit. Have you ever been in meetings where the preacher ridicules other denominations for their lack of ‘The Holy Spirit? I have.
I remember when we lived on an acreage and as a family, we attended the local towns’ Baptist Church. During the week though, I was looking for an additional Bible study. I then went to a smaller town called Spruce Grove seeking another church. I found and attended the town’s Pentecostal Church.
They invited me to someone’s acreage for dinner and a Bible study. When I arrived, they asked me which church I regularly attended; I said the Baptist Church, they then said, “when did you start to backslide?” I was embarrassed as everyone was now laughing at me. Needless to say, I didn’t enjoy the bible study and I never returned.
Then you have the big joke of the Holy Spirit coming upon the people at the Toronto Airport Christian Fellowship.
They had people who supposedly received the baptism of the Holy Spirit then everyone starts acting weird.
I have been in a Pentecostal Church where everyone starts shaking and doing strange things, making weird noises, then all of a sudden, they have become holier than they were before.
The power of suggestion, loud music, and chants can be a very powerful thing.
I remember when living in Scotland when I was younger, I attended a Scotland versus England football (soccer) game. The atmosphere was electrifying, to say the least. 100,000 screaming fans made you tingle all over; you were caught up in the moment.
The chanting of songs, the waving of scarves, banners, and everyone singing at the top of their lungs, it’s a moment that you never ever forget.
It’s no different when you go to a Charismatic or Pentecostal gathering, you are anticipating an atmosphere, and they deliberately crank up the music, just to add to the atmosphere, just to make it a little bit tenser and more believable.
The musicians are aware of what they’re doing, they are instructed to do this, the way they play the drums, the repetitive singing of one song, getting everyone all worked up and eventually working the congregation into some kind of spiritual frenzy.
Watch this video and tell me they are not nuts. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SgByE0pX1M
Watch this video and tell me they are not nuts. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SgByE0pX1M
Pentecostals are just huge hypocrites, I know, my dad was one in the church he operated way back forty years ago. He always claimed to have this Pentecostal gift, yet, he was like hell to live with at home.
He hated and resented his four sons, we were never good enough, always, an embarrassment to his righteous church, which he told me by the way. He was ashamed of us.
He always hated my older brother, and then when my other brother got married, he wanted him to move to Canada because he married a girl from a poor area. He didn’t want her family coming around to our house. Therefore, he was happy when my brother also moved to Canada.
Then he told me that he was ashamed of me because of my long hair, and he would call me a tramp and said I would never amount to anything.
All these things about the way Pentecostals are just irking me, from way back then.
My dad told my mum, he said, “Whenever I die, make sure Ian; (my oldest brother) gets nothing of mine”. That’s how much he hated my brother.
Yet, my dad was a professing Christian, spoke in tongues. Yep! You may think that I’m being stoic or very resentful towards my dad; however, he just didn’t treat us right, or my mum.
I think of this scripture in Corinthians “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but has not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.” (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)
The Toronto Airport Christian Fellowship, people were slain in the spirit, shaking violently, walking about on all fours barking like dogs, howling like wolves and coyotes, running up and down the aisles as if possessed by a demon, which they probably were.
Rolling all over the floor like idiots, making absolute fools of themselves, including God. Psycho laughing fits like people who were demented and lost their mind.
They were all wound up like a witchcraft ritual taking place.
What a counterfeit movement that was, so full of lies making people around the world thinking, that Toronto had some kind of special visitation from God.
Then all of a sudden, guess what, the Holy Spirit moved away, apparently, the Holy Spirit only came for a little time then left.
Things can even become more hurtful and spiritually confusing, where prophecy is concerned. Listeners have to basically take it or leave it and if they leave it, there may be fatal consequences. No doubt, many of you have experienced this kind of: “Thus says the Lord” or “The Holy Spirit told me”. Such words need to be carefully weighed before one utters them. They may influence other people’s lives in a drastic way. We have to exercise caution in this. Unfortunately, poor communication is sometimes a problem among Pentecostals.
Another point of concern is noise and the belief that the noisier one gets, the more Spirit-filled one is! Nevertheless, this foolish assumption has caused many problems, not only in inter-denominational relationships but also in relations between members of the Pentecostal churches. Pentecostals often criticize the non- Pentecostal denominations that they lack the direct experience of the Holy Spirit because they are too silent. Let us recall the story of Elijah as he waited for God to speak to him. God did not speak in the noise of the wind, in the violence of the earthquake, or in the fire. He spoke in a soft whisper (1 Kings 19:11-13).
Notice the above scripture that I mentioned in 1st Corinthians 13:1-3
Notice that Paul states explicitly, that, if he speaks in tongues of men and angels but has no love, he is nothing! Love is a power. Love is a force. Love is the most powerful positive force, ---it has the power to prevent atrocities, undermine prejudices, build bridges, and bind us together.
If you don’t have that you have absolutely nothing.
I remember one evening at Central Pentecostal. They asked people if you want to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit, to go into the prayer room after the service. Of course, I wanted everything that God would give me. There were lots of people in the prayer room.
Deacons and elders along with their wives were praying for people. When it was my turn to go forward, I went to a senior couple whom I knew very well, as I used to attend a bible study at their home. When I went forward they said, “Just pray in tongues as we are praying and it will come to you”, I said, “No, I can’t do that, the bible says as the Spirit gives the utterance, not me faking it so it will happen”.
I was so upset and disillusioned with people whom I had trusted spiritually. Now I knew it was a fake thing, yet, I truly, truly believed it was for real, not anymore.
When these things happen to you, you become disgusted as to the realness of anything spiritual.
When I attended People’s Church in 1990 in Edmonton before I was married, we were all standing around in a group. This one person started talking about how he started and learned to speak in tongues and how he received the baptism of the Holy Spirit.
We were all standing waiting for his wonderful out of this world experience and testimony and he said, “When I started speaking in tongues I started saying, she rides a Honda, she rides a Honda, real fast, As soon as I started saying it real fast, I started speaking in tongues”.
I thought to myself, are you kidding. She rides a Honda real fast then you’ll speak in tongues. I thought what a load of hogwash. This was before I attended Central Pentecostal. Therefore, you can see, that with all these things, how I find it so fake, especially within the churches where I’ve experienced all this stuff.
I’m not saying the Holy Spirit is a fake experience, but it was in those churches and also in that Toronto Church. It’s actually quite disgusting that we behave this way as Christians. I’d now rather not have it at all. I feel so much let down by this experience that’s described in the bible, I thought it was something more wonderful.
Listen, all you weird Christians out there, get it together and stop being so darn fake, it’s really sickening to me, very discouraging, and more sickening to God.
I find going to church so superficial, I no longer attend church, and I have no time for it. My wife and kids attend a Pentecostal Church, I tried it a few times, then people started acting strange shouting out in the service weird things, then the pastor would tell him or her to sit down, as they were out of order. I said to my wife, forget it, I’m not going back.
If God hates me for it, so be it. I pray to God all the time, but He doesn’t come to me, I feel empty and alone, I’m doubting more every day, I’ve had lots of bad church experiences with so-called Christians it’s not even funny. Just so weird, I don’t need it.
I remember when my wife and I were married 25 years ago; we met in Central Pentecostal Church in Edmonton Alberta.
Prior to this, I had been divorced, people in the church gossiped about me because I had been divorced. The pastor at the time, Bob Jones who is now at North Pointe Church in north Edmonton, wouldn’t marry us; it was against his Pentecostal beliefs. Marrying us would contaminate his soul or his credentials.
However, they used to have an in-house pastor called Pastor Hodges who was originally from the Baptist Church, so Bob Jones recommended him to perform the wedding ceremony. It was okay for an old Baptist pastor to be sinful and marry us, as his credentials didn’t matter, it was as if his credentials weren’t as valuable as Bob Jones credentials.
You talk about hypocrisy. It was okay to get married in the church though; we wouldn’t actually defile the church, as it was just Bob Jones Pentecostal credentials that would be defiled.
When we had our first daughter, my wife wanted to have our daughter dedicated at the church, by none other than, Bob Jones. It was okay for him to dedicate our daughter from a corrupt divorcee family, but not to marry us. I’m confused.
Here is the confusing part; my wife’s previous common-law relationship wasn’t even questioned, why, because she wasn’t married, that is, officially. When she split up from her ex-boyfriend, they just went their separate ways.
The difference was, I had a divorce certificate, my wife to be didn’t divorce, and she just separated. Are you confused yet? I am too.
Here we have a Pentecostal pastor turning his back on us just at the time when we needed reassurance. Instead, he poured out condemnation on us by refusing to marry us. Yet, he would probably stand up on Sunday at church, speaking, and faking the baptism of the Holy Spirit. After all, you can’t be a Pentecostal pastor unless you speak in tongues.
When my wife and I returned from our honeymoon, I received a phone call from an older well-respected woman in the church. She asked me how we had enjoyed the wedding; I told her that we thought it went very well. I then continued telling her how pleased we were with the photographer as he was a friend of ours and the pictures were so nice.
Then all of a sudden she went on a rant about how he was a womanizer and how that she knew sordid things about him. Right away I said to her, “woe, woe, woe”. I said, “Hold on a minute before you go any further, he’s a friend of ours and if you have anything to say to him you should tell him to his face, not to me as I don’t want to hear it”.
The next morning she came down the aisle of the church and confronted my wife and me, she apologized and said she was sorry and that she shouldn’t have said those things. I told her, that it was a little too late, as she has now planted those thoughts into my mind about him. I told her that maybe she should think first before she starts gossiping about someone. I told her, that it’s hard to take back words once they have been said.
It makes me so angry even twenty-five years later, it’s so hypocritical. I am beginning to hate the Christian, religious church establishment for how they treat people, and how they gossip about one another.
Yet, we’re supposed to be Christ-like, what a joke.
I quoted this previously, but I’ll quote it again as I finish.
Notice the above scripture that I mentioned in 1st Corinthians 13:1-3
Notice that Paul states explicitly, that, if he speaks in tongues of men and angels but has no love, he is nothing! Love is a power. Love is a force. Love is the most powerful positive force, ---it has the power to prevent atrocities, undermine prejudices, build bridges, and bind us together.
By the way, I was in the process of writing a blog post recently, not this one, which ended up being too long. I’ve decided to make my other article a short novel instead. At the moment it’s at 10,000 words and I’m only half-way through.
It’s called: “Pissed off with Christianity” I should have it finished by the end of May 2018.
There is quite a bit about my dad and his illegal financial dealings within the church in England including theft where he worked at the I.B.M. in Scotland. Watch for it, I will update when it’s available.
I have been told by my brother that I shouldn’t be writing things about the family. I believe that I should, I believe that people have the right to know what’s going on behind closed doors.
Maybe if I talk about these things, then Christians will stop acting so flippantly within the church.
Written by Chris Turner
April 22, 2018.
Sunday, April 22, 2018
Saturday, April 21, 2018
Are you happy?
Think about it.
Are you happy?
Most people are not
Do you have a job?
A lot of people don’t
Do you have savings?
Most people don’t
Are you feeling healthy?
A lot of patients are
not
Do you own your home?
A lot of people rent
Do you have food?
Some people don’t
Do you go to the food bank?
Some people have to
Are you depressed?
Some people are
Do you have mental health issues?
A lot of people do
Do you own a vehicle?
Some people don’t
Do you take vacations?
Some people can’t
afford to
Do you get frustrated with life?
A lot of people do
Do you love your spouse?
A lot of people don’t
Do you care about religion?
A lot of people do
Do you owe taxes?
Some people do
Do you have friends?
Some people don’t
Do you feel alone?
A lot of people are
Do you find life a struggle?
Most people do
Do you love your kids?
Some people don’t
Do you ever feel suicidal?
A lot of people do
Do you even care?
Do you even care?
Most people don’t
Are you really happy?
Written by Chris Turner
April 21, 2018
Friday, April 20, 2018
The modernist resume
This is an open resume/C.V./ application to potential employers who would like to hire me.
If you’re looking for proper protocol or resume etiquette, maybe you should stop reading now.
Some of you may be thinking as you read through this resume, “Is this guy kidding or what”.
Yes, there are employers out there looking for someone willing to step outside of what we call “the norm”.
I enjoy being different, even in my writing style. I always tell the truth as to how I see things; this is not always welcomed by many.
I have always said, why do things always have to be snobbish, proper, and correct. After all, I wasn’t raised in Buckingham Palace.
I tell it the way I see it. I wrote one song that some don’t like the lyrics called “I live a life of hell until Saturday night” Not popular with church-going people.
I woke up this morning thinking, hmmm, this resume, job seeking thing doesn’t seem to be working.
In the past six months, I’ve applied for over eighty jobs and counting. I thought to myself when people look at my resume and see my age, that’s it, I’m finished. It just wasn’t working.
Then I decided, I’ll write a written resume, not in any kind of normal resume format, just a letter type thing.
Seeing as the conventional way of writing a resume wasn’t working, I said, “what the heck, I’ll try something different.”
It couldn’t be any worse than what’s happening now, however, maybe it just might make some people laugh (i.e. if you have a sense of humor), or maybe I could start a trend.
What a nice way to be remembered, internet users thirty years from now will “Yahoogle” Chris Turner’s modern resume, first created in 2018.
Besides, writing is what I do, it’s what I love, it’s my passion (other than tennis), it’s my desire, it’s my lifelong dream (on the beach or somewhere warm like the Bahamas), I eat, breathe, sleep, and (not to be too descriptive) everything else…..writing.
Look, whenever I would send in my resume to various jobs, a few weeks later I would receive a letter telling me that I’m just way too old, well no, not exactly, though, more or less.
They would respond.” On behalf, of…………we would like to thank you for your application for the above-noted position. Upon review of all applicants, another candidate has been selected.
We would like to thank you for your interest in this position and encourage you to continue to apply for other career opportunities.”
Where did I start in life?
It all started while I was being raised and living in Scotland. During my years in Scotland, I worked at various jobs including management.
I did actually go to school and finished high school. My teachers were very happy for me, that is, happy that I was leaving.
However, I do have a command of the Queen’s English, though some of the Sassenach’s down south don’t think that we speak English at all. They think we all speak Scottish gobblygook. There again, it has always been difficult to teach the English how to speak proper English, I guess that’s their downfall in life. Lol
While at school, my favorite subjects were Math, English, Woodwork, and Metalwork (some of the items I still have today). I enjoyed Art, History, and P.E. I hated Algebra with a passion. All that X, Y, Z to the power of something, I just had no use for it
.
Like most kids, I loved the summer holidays, nine weeks of bliss, yeah, no school. I miss those days.
Being very sports-minded, I played football (soccer), tennis, a little bit of rugby, and cricket.
Seeing as I grew up next to the ocean, I was always around boats and in the water.
Oh yeah, jobs
Well, I’ve been working since I came out of diapers, or were they called nappies. Anyway, my mum had a Bed & Breakfast home and I used to help her around the house. Cleaning, learning to cook, it really helped me when I was older.
I then thought I was rich when I got my first newspaper route at eleven years of age. I was also friendly with an older Italian guy who offered me a job a year later working in the back of his fish & chip shop. This was a fantastic job; I remember this job to detail even though I was so young at the time.
I forgot to mention, I have a photographic memory. Whenever I talk about times in the past, I can see myself exactly in that position or situation as though it was just happening.
I actually worked there on weekends until I left school, after that job, I always wanted to buy my own fish & chip shop, and I loved it so much. I’m still dreaming. This is actually my signature tune for my cell phone “Dreamer” by Supertramp.
Whenever I started working at a full-time job, my Italian friend also offered me a part-time job working in his shop selling the fish & chips in the evenings and at weekends. Now I loved it even more.
Then my downfall came, I started liking girls. Nevertheless, I still worked part-time.
Then I passed my driving test, got a car and I loved being around girls, however, I loved making money too.
Let’s just say, I had vast working experience while living in Scotland. To name a few, lock-smithing, painting, a milk dairy, hospital (shipping & receiving and driving), Lab. Technician for National , T.V. Rental companies (Lloyds Surevision –Assistant Manager, Visionhire-Assistant Manager, D.E.R. Sales Rep,).
Then I worked at the Royal Ordinance Factory making bomb inserts, you heard right, bomb inserts.
The Royal Ordinance Factory is where they made all the bombs. I made the shells before it was moved to the Cordite dept. where they inserted the explosive. It was an interesting smelly job.
Moving to Canada
I immigrated to Canada in 1979 and lived in Ottawa for three years.
Upon arriving, I worked for a cabinet making company for a short while. Then I decided to try starting a painting business as I had painting experience while living in Scotland.
I managed to secure a few painting contracts and eventually hired three people to help me.
Things were going great until 1981 when the economy took a downturn. I heard that things were going well in Alberta, therefore, I moved west eventually settling in Edmonton.
I have been living in Edmonton since that time.
When I arrived in Edmonton I worked for a local painting company for a year just to get the feel of the area. I then stepped out and started my own painting business.
In 1987 I went through a divorce and operations of my painting business at the advice of my lawyer.
Unsure what to do, I had a friend who worked at Canada Post. At my friend's suggestion, I applied to work at Canada Post. After working a few different jobs within the Corporation, I moved into management where I worked as a supervisor for three years.
In 2000, I resigned and started up my own painting business once again.
As you will notice, painting has always been my “going back to business”, when other things didn’t click I had painting to fall back on. I have thirty-nine years’ painting experience in Canada not including the work I did in Scotland. Although, I honestly don’t want to do this type of work anymore.
In 1993 prior to Home Depot establishing themselves in Edmonton. I was asked if I could help train the new sales associates for the Aikenheads Company which was a Canadian hardware company from Ontario. Aikenheads was the original hardware store before Home Depot. only lasted three months before Home Depot acquired the business.
Home Depot wanted a foothold in the Canadian market and this was a good opportunity.
I had the privilege of working for Home Depot for a further nine months. I was asked to stay on and transfer to a newer store with a promotion, however, at the time; I didn’t want to do this, as I was extremely busy with my other work.
I enjoyed working with retail and also helping customers use the products properly, as I had many years’ experience. I also enjoyed training the associates too within the paint department.
Extracurricular activities
Since moving to Canada, I had always been involved with making wood crafts. This was a skill that I had learned and enjoyed while in high school.
While living in Ottawa, I had been asked by some clients to take on various wood projects around apartment complexes mostly, making and installing garbage bins etc. As well as my painting projects, it proved to be very rewarding.
When I arrived in Edmonton, I continued making wood crafts as well as any other job at the time. However, I ventured into smaller household type crafts like key holders, wall racks, coat racks, and personalized names etc.
I still work at this today, please view my wood crafts site http://chriscraftwood.blogspot.ca/p/key-holders.html
Since leaving school, the writing was my forte; I’ve always enjoyed writing poems and real-life stories. I now have just over two hundred poems on file and hoping to write an anthology of poems one day.
In 2013 I completed my first short novel called “I just want to be loved” and I also completed my autobiography called “Life is…but a memory”. Both books are available on Amazon as e-books and my novel is available as a soft cover. Both books are also available on “Smashwords”.
https://amzn.to/2qMMRyq
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/63102
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/607598
In the near future, I will be writing a non-fiction based on my autobiography.
I will also be writing a science fiction called “Invasion of the ”. This story is about the resurgence of organisms in Nevada with regards to the underground nuclear testing that used to take place in that region. The radiation re-activated the organisms and they come back to life to take over the world.
The have two hierarchies though who are fighting each other for power, while at the same time, trying to take over the world. There is one other power though, that neither of them has anticipated.
I am also contemplating writing a novel of the violence between Catholics and Protestants where I was raised in Scotland. I have written a lengthy article on this topic on my blog.
Music and songwriting
Since 1991, as well as writing poetry, I enjoyed writing songs. The genre of my songs varies from country to folk and a little rock.
As a lyricist, I just love writing songs. I’m hoping so much to do this full time. Just looking for that lucky break with a production company or with some other writers with whom I could collaborate.
Over the years, I have written over two hundred songs; with some, I have added guitar chords and some melodies.
I have made approximately six YouTube videos of my songs.
Other links available on my blog. http://writingjust4u.blogspot.ca/p/blog-page_26.html
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGvM1CnaeFM
I have only been playing guitar for four years (self-taught) and really not of musician caliber. I’m progressing through each day.
Additional business activities
Due to a lack of work in my painting business and unable to find work to make an income. I ventured into to other website activities. I started a blog on cooking, seeing as I thoroughly enjoy cooking and coming up with new ideas. My cooking blog is called “Healthy and Scrumptious Cooking”.
http://healthyandscrumptiouscooking.blogspot.ca/p/about-me.html
My first blog, which is writing, of course, is to coincide with my writing activities called Chris Turner’s Memoirs which is mostly that, memoirs and various short articles.
http://chriscampbellturner.blogspot.ca/
My other writing blog is called “Writingjust4u”. This blog involves more of my songs, poetry, articles, and copywriting projects. http://writingjust4u.blogspot.ca/p/blog-page_44.html
I am pursuing to write in the field of, articles, copywriting, songwriting, and poetry. Blog/website writing, content writing, e-mails, and newsletters.
Writing songs to me is very easy, all I need is a topic or storyline and I can write a song.
I’m quite familiar with Adobe Photoshop and able to crop and insert text on to pictures for display on social networks.
My social network interest is varied including but not limited to Google+, Linkedin, Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter.
I can create blogs using the “Blogger” format; I have only used Wordpress a few times. I have also built websites using the WebEasy8 web program, which is drag and drop. I know some HTML, however, not proficient by any means. I basically know the concept of HTML and how it works. I am able to change some code manually, however, not too much.
My experience also includes working with Microsoft Word.
I am also knowledgeable with inserting buttons from PayPal using their HTML coding system, which I currently use for my woodcraft site.
Recreation and dreams
During the summer I play approximately ten hours of tennis. Some with a club and other times with the tennis meet-up group. My friends and I usually play outdoors earlier than most people as I have my own net. The city is normally pretty slow in erecting the tennis nets, so I bought my own and use a winch to crank it tight. Therefore, we get to play about two weeks earlier.
When I’m playing tennis and the sun is beating on me, I imagine that I’m in California or Florida.
If you had to endure the Edmonton six month winter you would understand how I feel.
My dream is to sit on a beach in California or Florida, with guitar in hand, writing songs and listening to the waves splash on the shore, sipping a Pina Colada, I’m not even sure what that is, I just love the song. Then I wake up.
The conclusion of my resume
So there it is folks, not sure if this resume format will ever take off. Personally, I think it’s less stuffy than the conventional resume where everything is nicely laid and dated. Properly spaced and words used to captivate the potential employer.
What you have just read is who I am, a writer looking for an opportunity, yes, to make a salary (not minimum wage) something respectable, though not only that but to be able to do something that I love……writing.
If you want to know more about me, please check out my article "Stupid questions they ask at an interview" http://chriscampbellturner.blogspot.ca/2018/04/stupid-questions.html
If you think you could use my experience and life skills that I’ve gathered over the years, why don’t you contact me and we’ll have a chat.
I hope you all have a wonderful sunny day wherever you are.
Until we meet.
Chris Turner (Edmonton. Alberta. Canada.)
E-mail: Chrispaints4u@gmail.com
Thursday, April 19, 2018
Stupid questions.
Stupid questions (not all) they ask
at an interview.
1. Can you tell me a little about yourself?
: Absolutely, I'm a writer, songwriter, poet, and
lyricist. I’m broke and I don’t get along with my wife, and I owe four years of
taxes.
2. How did you hear about the position?
: It was advertised online
3. What do you know about the company?
: Absolutely nothing.
4. Why do you want this job?
: I’m broke and I need to earn some money. My family
is hungry, I go to the food bank, and I owe money on all my bills.
5. Why should we hire you?
: Because, I took the initiative and applied for the
job.
6. What are your greatest professional strengths?
: Mostly in my biceps and quads.
7. What do you consider to be your weaknesses?
: Definitely my abs. Too much fat covering them.
8. What is your greatest professional achievement?
: Working as a Milkman delivering milk in Scotland.
By the way, I’m being honest here. Greatest job I’ve ever had. I loved it so
much. Did my first milk run at 5-a.m. came back to dairy for a full cooked
bacon and egg breakfast every morning along with the owner and his wife and
other drivers. Finished every day at 12-noon. In 1973 I was
making £40 per week plus tips. I had Wednesday and Sundays off. It was a fantastic
job. I miss it so much. There was so much freedom. I always ask myself the
question, “Why did I quit?
9. Tell me about a challenge or conflict you've
faced at work, and how you dealt with it.
: While working with Canada Post at the plant in
downtown Edmonton. My superintendent commented as one of the women who had been
overweight walked past. He said to me, “Look at that big fat pig” and then he
laughed. I then told him about his slanderous remark which he didn’t like. The
next day, I took the time and wrote a letter to the head office in Winnipeg. I
knew that if I had reported it to management in Edmonton, nothing would have
been done.
10. Where do you see yourself in five years?
: Either still writing songs and poetry or six feet
in the grave.
11. What's your dream job?
: With guitar in hand, writing a song on a beach in
California or Florida.
12. What other companies are you interviewing with?
: None, nobody wants to hire me. Maybe it’s how I
answer their questions. On the other hand, quite possibly, because I’m now 64
years of age. Companies say they don’t discriminate, but they really do. When
you’re my age, no one wants you, which I can honestly understand. After all, I’m
not exactly a career person. Maybe I could be a greeter for Wal-Mart.
13. Why are you leaving your current job?
: I’m self-employed as a painting contractor and my
knees are too sore.
14. Why were you fired?
: I didn’t like the manager’s attitude and I told
him he was an asshole.
15. What are you looking for in a new position?
: To be allowed to exercise my talents.
16. What type of work environment do you prefer?
: A friendly humorous one.
17. What's your management style?
: #1is employee relationship. If you treat your
employees with respect, they will do a great job for you.
18. What's a time you exercised leadership?
: While working with Canada Post at the downtown
plant. Management were unable to prevent the employees from jamming the
machines. They asked me if I could speak with them. Because I had a great
relationship with the employees, I resolved the problem in a few minutes of
discussion with the employees. Sometimes the employees would jam the machines
if they were disgruntled with management.
19. What's a time you disagreed with a decision
that was made at work?
: While I was working with Canada Post at the
downtown plant in Edmonton Alberta Canada. It was close to Christmas and one of
the women asked me for the Christmas tree that we had in our storage room. I
asked the manager for the key. The manager said, “Go tell the woman, to
straddle her legs over the mezzanine railing and spread her legs out and she
will look like a Christmas tree.” I declined to do this. My manager came back
later and asked me if I had told her. I said, absolutely not. I said, “I wouldn’t
treat people like that.”
Later, I was called into the office for an interview
and was told that I showed indifference to management style.
20. How would your boss and co-workers describe
you?
: Canada Post management would say. That I was indifferent
to management style. In other words, I didn’t slander everyone like they did.
21. Why was there a gap in your employment?
:Duh! I was unemployed, no job, out of work.
22. Can you explain why you changed career paths?
: In the year 2000, my 3-year old daughter was in
hospital having surgery. I asked for special leave from management at Canada
Post, they declined. This was due to the fact that I had reported management to
head office in Winnipeg because of their slanderous remarks towards employees.
I then went back and looked at my daughter lying on the hospital bed, she was
crying. I went outside of her room and called management at Canada Post and
told them that I was resigning, that my daughter was more important. They replied,
“good”. That’s why I changed career paths and have absolutely no regrets.
23. How do you deal with pressure or stressful
situations?
: I smoke Marijuana, just kidding. I go into my
music room and smash one of my guitars.
24. What would your first 30, 60, or 90 days look
like in this role?
: My first 30-days I would arrive early, after 60-days
I would slack off a little, after 90-days I would be fired for lack of
commitment.
25. What are your salary requirements?
: As much as you could pay, probably around $30 per
hour to start.
26. What do you like to do outside of work?
: That’s a very personal question, do you mean while
I’m in bed our out of bed. I usually play with my tennis balls; I’m an avid
tennis player and play about ten hours each week in the summer.
27. If you were an animal, which one would you want
to be?
: Probably a giraffe, this way I wouldn’t need a
ladder to paint my upstairs windows. There again, my wife calls me a wild
cougar.
28. How many tennis balls can you fit into a
limousine?
1,000? 10,000? 100,000? Seriously?
: Not sure, I don’t own a limousine.
29. Are you planning on having children?
: No way, I have six already.
30. What do you think we could do better or
differently?
: Create better interview questions.
31. Do you have any questions for us?
: Yes, why do you ask so many stupid questions?
End of
interview, I didn’t get the job.
Now, that’s
where honesty gets you.
By the
way, the answers are mine. I hope you have a sense of humor.
Written
by Chris Turner
April 19,
2018.
Questions courtesy of “themuse” online career website.
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