Saturday, April 21, 2018

Amazing Grace



Voicemail



Are you happy?



Think about it.
Are you happy?
Most people are not
Do you have a job?
A lot of people don’t
Do you have savings?
Most people don’t
Are you feeling healthy?
A lot of patients are not

Do you own your home?
A lot of people rent
Do you have food?
Some people don’t
Do you go to the food bank?
Some people have to
Are you depressed?
Some people are

Do you have mental health issues?
A lot of people do
Do you own a vehicle?
Some people don’t
Do you take vacations?
Some people can’t afford to
Do you get frustrated with life?
A lot of people do

Do you love your spouse?
A lot of people don’t
Do you care about religion?
A lot of people do
Do you owe taxes?
Some people do
Do you have friends?
Some people don’t

Do you feel alone?
A lot of people are
Do you find life a struggle?
Most people do
Do you love your kids?
Some people don’t
Do you ever feel suicidal?
A lot of people do
 Do you even care?
Most people don’t

Are you really happy?

Written by Chris Turner
April 21, 2018

Friday, April 20, 2018

Homemade Wood Crafts




Chris Turner Painting



Painting in Edmonton area for 37-years

Contact me @


Piece of junk



It was taking up too much space in my garage.

The modernist resume




This is an open resume/C.V./ application to potential employers who would like to hire me.

If you’re looking for proper protocol or resume etiquette, maybe you should stop reading now.

Some of you may be thinking as you read through this resume, “Is this guy kidding or what”.

Yes, there are employers out there looking for someone willing to step outside of what we call “the norm”.

I enjoy being different, even in my writing style. I always tell the truth as to how I see things; this is not always welcomed by many.

I have always said, why do things always have to be snobbish, proper, and correct. After all, I wasn’t raised in Buckingham Palace.

I tell it the way I see it. I wrote one song that some don’t like the lyrics called “I live a life of hell until Saturday night” Not popular with church-going people.

I woke up this morning thinking, hmmm, this resume, job seeking thing doesn’t seem to be working.
In the past six months, I’ve applied for over eighty jobs and counting. I thought to myself when people look at my resume and see my age, that’s it, I’m finished. It just wasn’t working.

Then I decided, I’ll write a written resume, not in any kind of normal resume format, just a letter type thing.

Seeing as the conventional way of writing a resume wasn’t working, I said, “what the heck, I’ll try something different.”

It couldn’t be any worse than what’s happening now, however, maybe it just might make some people laugh (i.e. if you have a sense of humor), or maybe I could start a trend.

What a nice way to be remembered, internet users thirty years from now will “Yahoogle” Chris Turner’s modern resume, first created in 2018.

Besides, writing is what I do, it’s what I love, it’s my passion (other than tennis), it’s my desire, it’s my lifelong dream (on the beach or somewhere warm like the Bahamas), I eat, breathe, sleep, and (not to be too descriptive) everything else…..writing.

Look, whenever I would send in my resume to various jobs, a few weeks later I would receive a letter telling me that I’m just way too old, well no, not exactly, though, more or less.

They would respond.” On behalf, of…………we would like to thank you for your application for the above-noted position. Upon review of all applicants, another candidate has been selected.
We would like to thank you for your interest in this position and encourage you to continue to apply for other career opportunities.”

 Where did I start in life?

It all started while I was being raised and living in Scotland. During my years in Scotland, I worked at various jobs including management.

I did actually go to school and finished high school. My teachers were very happy for me, that is, happy that I was leaving.

However, I do have a command of the Queen’s English, though some of the Sassenach’s down south don’t think that we speak English at all. They think we all speak Scottish gobblygook. There again, it has always been difficult to teach the English how to speak proper English, I guess that’s their downfall in life. Lol

While at school, my favorite subjects were Math, English, Woodwork, and Metalwork (some of the items I still have today). I enjoyed Art, History, and P.E. I hated Algebra with a passion. All that X, Y, Z to the power of something, I just had no use for it
.
Like most kids, I loved the summer holidays, nine weeks of bliss, yeah, no school. I miss those days.
Being very sports-minded, I played football (soccer), tennis, a little bit of rugby, and cricket.

Seeing as I grew up next to the ocean, I was always around boats and in the water.

Oh yeah, jobs

Well, I’ve been working since I came out of diapers, or were they called nappies. Anyway, my mum had a Bed & Breakfast home and I used to help her around the house. Cleaning, learning to cook, it really helped me when I was older.

I then thought I was rich when I got my first newspaper route at eleven years of age. I was also friendly with an older Italian guy who offered me a job a year later working in the back of his fish & chip shop. This was a fantastic job; I remember this job to detail even though I was so young at the time.

I forgot to mention, I have a photographic memory. Whenever I talk about times in the past, I can see myself exactly in that position or situation as though it was just happening.

I actually worked there on weekends until I left school, after that job, I always wanted to buy my own fish & chip shop, and I loved it so much. I’m still dreaming. This is actually my signature tune for my cell phone “Dreamer” by Supertramp.

Whenever I started working at a full-time job, my Italian friend also offered me a part-time job working in his shop selling the fish & chips in the evenings and at weekends. Now I loved it even more.

Then my downfall came, I started liking girls. Nevertheless, I still worked part-time.

Then I passed my driving test, got a car and I loved being around girls, however, I loved making money too.

Let’s just say, I had vast working experience while living in Scotland. To name a few, lock-smithing, painting, a milk dairy, hospital (shipping & receiving and driving), Lab. Technician for National , T.V. Rental companies (Lloyds Surevision –Assistant Manager, Visionhire-Assistant Manager, D.E.R. Sales Rep,).

Then I worked at the Royal Ordinance Factory making bomb inserts, you heard right, bomb inserts.
  The Royal Ordinance Factory is where they made all the bombs. I made the shells before it was moved to the Cordite dept. where they inserted the explosive. It was an interesting smelly job.

Moving to Canada

I immigrated to Canada in 1979 and lived in Ottawa for three years.

Upon arriving, I worked for a cabinet making company for a short while. Then I decided to try starting a painting business as I had painting experience while living in Scotland.

I managed to secure a few painting contracts and eventually hired three people to help me.

Things were going great until 1981 when the economy took a downturn. I heard that things were going well in Alberta, therefore, I moved west eventually settling in Edmonton.

I have been living in Edmonton since that time.

When I arrived in Edmonton I worked for a local painting company for a year just to get the feel of the area. I then stepped out and started my own painting business.

In 1987 I went through a divorce and operations of my painting business at the advice of my lawyer.
Unsure what to do, I had a friend who worked at Canada Post. At my friend's suggestion, I applied to work at Canada Post. After working a few different jobs within the Corporation, I moved into management where I worked as a supervisor for three years.

In 2000, I resigned and started up my own painting business once again.

As you will notice, painting has always been my “going back to business”, when other things didn’t click I had painting to fall back on. I have thirty-nine years’ painting experience in Canada not including the work I did in Scotland. Although, I honestly don’t want to do this type of work anymore.

In 1993 prior to Home Depot establishing themselves in Edmonton. I was asked if I could help train the new sales associates for the Aikenheads Company which was a Canadian hardware company from Ontario. Aikenheads was the original hardware store before Home Depot. only lasted three months before Home Depot acquired the business.

Home Depot wanted a foothold in the Canadian market and this was a good opportunity.

I had the privilege of working for Home Depot for a further nine months. I was asked to stay on and transfer to a newer store with a promotion, however, at the time; I didn’t want to do this, as I was extremely busy with my other work.

I enjoyed working with retail and also helping customers use the products properly, as I had many years’ experience. I also enjoyed training the associates too within the paint department.

Extracurricular activities

Since moving to Canada, I had always been involved with making wood crafts. This was a skill that I had learned and enjoyed while in high school.

While living in Ottawa, I had been asked by some clients to take on various wood projects around apartment complexes mostly, making and installing garbage bins etc. As well as my painting projects, it proved to be very rewarding.

When I arrived in Edmonton, I continued making wood crafts as well as any other job at the time. However, I ventured into smaller household type crafts like key holders, wall racks, coat racks, and personalized names etc.

I still work at this today, please view my wood crafts site http://chriscraftwood.blogspot.ca/p/key-holders.html

Since leaving school, the writing was my forte; I’ve always enjoyed writing poems and real-life stories. I now have just over two hundred poems on file and hoping to write an anthology of poems one day.

In 2013 I completed my first short novel called “I just want to be loved” and I also completed my autobiography called “Life is…but a memory”. Both books are available on Amazon as e-books and my novel is available as a soft cover. Both books are also available on “Smashwords”.

https://amzn.to/2qMMRyq

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/63102

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/607598

In the near future, I will be writing a non-fiction based on my autobiography.

I will also be writing a science fiction called “Invasion of the ”. This story is about the resurgence of organisms in Nevada with regards to the underground nuclear testing that used to take place in that region. The radiation re-activated the organisms and they come back to life to take over the world.
The have two hierarchies though who are fighting each other for power, while at the same time, trying to take over the world. There is one other power though, that neither of them has anticipated.
I am also contemplating writing a novel of the violence between Catholics and Protestants where I was raised in Scotland. I have written a lengthy article on this topic on my blog.

Music and songwriting

Since 1991, as well as writing poetry, I enjoyed writing songs. The genre of my songs varies from country to folk and a little rock.

As a lyricist, I just love writing songs. I’m hoping so much to do this full time. Just looking for that lucky break with a production company or with some other writers with whom I could collaborate.

Over the years, I have written over two hundred songs; with some, I have added guitar chords and some melodies.

I have made approximately six YouTube videos of my songs.

Other links available on my blog. http://writingjust4u.blogspot.ca/p/blog-page_26.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGvM1CnaeFM

I have only been playing guitar for four years (self-taught) and really not of musician caliber. I’m progressing through each day.

Additional business activities

Due to a lack of work in my painting business and unable to find work to make an income. I ventured into to other website activities. I started a blog on cooking, seeing as I thoroughly enjoy cooking and coming up with new ideas. My cooking blog is called “Healthy and Scrumptious Cooking”.

http://healthyandscrumptiouscooking.blogspot.ca/p/about-me.html

My first blog, which is writing, of course, is to coincide with my writing activities called Chris Turner’s Memoirs which is mostly that, memoirs and various short articles.

http://chriscampbellturner.blogspot.ca/

My other writing blog is called “Writingjust4u”. This blog involves more of my songs, poetry, articles, and copywriting projects. http://writingjust4u.blogspot.ca/p/blog-page_44.html

I am pursuing to write in the field of, articles, copywriting, songwriting, and poetry. Blog/website writing, content writing, e-mails, and newsletters.

Writing songs to me is very easy, all I need is a topic or storyline and I can write a song.

I’m quite familiar with Adobe Photoshop and able to crop and insert text on to pictures for display on social networks.

My social network interest is varied including but not limited to Google+, Linkedin, Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter.

I can create blogs using the “Blogger” format; I have only used Wordpress a few times. I have also built websites using the WebEasy8 web program, which is drag and drop. I know some HTML, however, not proficient by any means. I basically know the concept of HTML and how it works. I am able to change some code manually, however, not too much.

My experience also includes working with Microsoft Word.

I am also knowledgeable with inserting buttons from PayPal using their HTML coding system, which I currently use for my woodcraft site.

Recreation and dreams

During the summer I play approximately ten hours of tennis. Some with a club and other times with the tennis meet-up group. My friends and I usually play outdoors earlier than most people as I have my own net. The city is normally pretty slow in erecting the tennis nets, so I bought my own and use a winch to crank it tight. Therefore, we get to play about two weeks earlier.

When I’m playing tennis and the sun is beating on me, I imagine that I’m in California or Florida.
If you had to endure the Edmonton six month winter you would understand how I feel.

My dream is to sit on a beach in California or Florida, with guitar in hand, writing songs and listening to the waves splash on the shore, sipping a Pina Colada, I’m not even sure what that is, I just love the song. Then I wake up.

The conclusion of my resume

So there it is folks, not sure if this resume format will ever take off. Personally, I think it’s less stuffy than the conventional resume where everything is nicely laid and dated. Properly spaced and words used to captivate the potential employer.

What you have just read is who I am, a writer looking for an opportunity, yes, to make a salary (not minimum wage) something respectable, though not only that but to be able to do something that I love……writing.

If you want to know more about me, please check out my article "Stupid questions they ask at an interview"   http://chriscampbellturner.blogspot.ca/2018/04/stupid-questions.html

If you think you could use my experience and life skills that I’ve gathered over the years, why don’t you contact me and we’ll have a chat.

I hope you all have a wonderful sunny day wherever you are.

Until we meet.

Chris Turner (Edmonton. Alberta. Canada.)

E-mail:  Chrispaints4u@gmail.com

Thursday, April 19, 2018

Stupid questions.



Stupid questions (not all) they ask at an interview.

1. Can you tell me a little about yourself?
: Absolutely, I'm a writer, songwriter, poet, and lyricist. I’m broke and I don’t get along with my wife, and I owe four years of taxes.

2. How did you hear about the position?
: It was advertised online

3. What do you know about the company?
: Absolutely nothing.

4. Why do you want this job?
: I’m broke and I need to earn some money. My family is hungry, I go to the food bank, and I owe money on all my bills.

5. Why should we hire you?
: Because, I took the initiative and applied for the job.

6. What are your greatest professional strengths?
: Mostly in my biceps and quads.

7. What do you consider to be your weaknesses?
: Definitely my abs. Too much fat covering them.

8. What is your greatest professional achievement?
: Working as a Milkman delivering milk in Scotland. By the way, I’m being honest here. Greatest job I’ve ever had. I loved it so much. Did my first milk run at 5-a.m. came back to dairy for a full cooked bacon and egg breakfast every morning along with the owner and his wife and other drivers. Finished every day at 12-noon. In 1973 I was making £40 per week plus tips. I had Wednesday and Sundays off. It was a fantastic job. I miss it so much. There was so much freedom. I always ask myself the question, “Why did I quit?

9. Tell me about a challenge or conflict you've faced at work, and how you dealt with it.
 : While working with Canada Post at the plant in downtown Edmonton. My superintendent commented as one of the women who had been overweight walked past. He said to me, “Look at that big fat pig” and then he laughed. I then told him about his slanderous remark which he didn’t like. The next day, I took the time and wrote a letter to the head office in Winnipeg. I knew that if I had reported it to management in Edmonton, nothing would have been done.

 10. Where do you see yourself in five years?
: Either still writing songs and poetry or six feet in the grave.

11. What's your dream job?
: With guitar in hand, writing a song on a beach in California or Florida.

12. What other companies are you interviewing with?
: None, nobody wants to hire me. Maybe it’s how I answer their questions. On the other hand, quite possibly, because I’m now 64 years of age. Companies say they don’t discriminate, but they really do. When you’re my age, no one wants you, which I can honestly understand. After all, I’m not exactly a career person. Maybe I could be a greeter for Wal-Mart.

13. Why are you leaving your current job?
: I’m self-employed as a painting contractor and my knees are too sore.

14. Why were you fired?
: I didn’t like the manager’s attitude and I told him he was an asshole.

15. What are you looking for in a new position?
: To be allowed to exercise my talents.

16. What type of work environment do you prefer?
: A friendly humorous one.

17. What's your management style?
: #1is employee relationship. If you treat your employees with respect, they will do a great job for you.

18. What's a time you exercised leadership?
: While working with Canada Post at the downtown plant. Management were unable to prevent the employees from jamming the machines. They asked me if I could speak with them. Because I had a great relationship with the employees, I resolved the problem in a few minutes of discussion with the employees. Sometimes the employees would jam the machines if they were disgruntled with management.

19. What's a time you disagreed with a decision that was made at work?
: While I was working with Canada Post at the downtown plant in Edmonton Alberta Canada. It was close to Christmas and one of the women asked me for the Christmas tree that we had in our storage room. I asked the manager for the key. The manager said, “Go tell the woman, to straddle her legs over the mezzanine railing and spread her legs out and she will look like a Christmas tree.” I declined to do this. My manager came back later and asked me if I had told her. I said, absolutely not. I said, “I wouldn’t treat people like that.”
Later, I was called into the office for an interview and was told that I showed indifference to management style. 

20. How would your boss and co-workers describe you?
: Canada Post management would say. That I was indifferent to management style. In other words, I didn’t slander everyone like they did.

21. Why was there a gap in your employment?
:Duh! I was unemployed, no job, out of work.

22. Can you explain why you changed career paths?
: In the year 2000, my 3-year old daughter was in hospital having surgery. I asked for special leave from management at Canada Post, they declined. This was due to the fact that I had reported management to head office in Winnipeg because of their slanderous remarks towards employees. I then went back and looked at my daughter lying on the hospital bed, she was crying. I went outside of her room and called management at Canada Post and told them that I was resigning, that my daughter was more important. They replied, “good”. That’s why I changed career paths and have absolutely no regrets.

23. How do you deal with pressure or stressful situations?
: I smoke Marijuana, just kidding. I go into my music room and smash one of my guitars.

24. What would your first 30, 60, or 90 days look like in this role?
: My first 30-days I would arrive early, after 60-days I would slack off a little, after 90-days I would be fired for lack of commitment.

25. What are your salary requirements?
: As much as you could pay, probably around $30 per hour to start.

26. What do you like to do outside of work?
: That’s a very personal question, do you mean while I’m in bed our out of bed. I usually play with my tennis balls; I’m an avid tennis player and play about ten hours each week in the summer.

27. If you were an animal, which one would you want to be?
: Probably a giraffe, this way I wouldn’t need a ladder to paint my upstairs windows. There again, my wife calls me a wild cougar.

28. How many tennis balls can you fit into a limousine?
1,000? 10,000? 100,000? Seriously?
: Not sure, I don’t own a limousine.

29. Are you planning on having children?
: No way, I have six already.

30. What do you think we could do better or differently?
: Create better interview questions.

31. Do you have any questions for us?
: Yes, why do you ask so many stupid questions?

End of interview, I didn’t get the job. 

Now, that’s where honesty gets you.

By the way, the answers are mine. I hope you have a sense of humor.

Written by Chris Turner
April 19, 2018.

Questions courtesy of “themuse” online career  website.